Barbara
I enjoyed
painting my soul bird immensely, it opened my eyes to quite a lot of
possibilities. These compartments are the drawers to my soul. The first
one is very peaceful and calm like a colourful garden. The hearts and
rings, this was when I was very much in love. The next one is when you
get days when you feel pretty grim, a blank door with no on in there.
The next one is the nights, because sometimes they are not so easy to
cope with. Sometimes I find it harder at night time. I don't really
think I'm afraid of dying - well I hope I'm not. I think it is the fear
of the unknown; that's what it is. You hope that you'll cope with whatever
gets thrown at you but how do you know until you try. Then morning comes
and life's back to normal, brightens up again and I can cope. I seem
to cope much better when the sun shines. The next one represents a normal
day, just getting on with life as best you can. Everything seems easier
with the odd cup of coffee thrown into it. The next one, the bird, represents
colour. I seem to want a lot of colour, to make up for what might be
understandably missing from my life now.
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The next
one is the horizon, I can't see very far and I don't particularly want
to. The next one, the cross, is my faith, which I hope will be strong
enough. The last one is a butterfly, the fragility of things.. My illness
has made me appreciate my life and my family much more. I think I live
from day to day, because I have to. Having a heart condition, I've known
for some years that it could be any moment now, so the two added together
make death more certain. I think you have to get on and make the best
of it. I've got two daughters, and I've got grandchildren whom I would
like to have seen grow up, but the eldest one is only sixteen in December
so there's not a lot of hope of that. They're great company, so you've
got to make the best of life for their sake as well as your own. If
you try to do as much as you possibly can, life has more meaning. Never
give up hope. I'm sure that must be the answer. There is no answer to
why - none at all. It's just life. Gets hold of some and it doesn't
others.
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I've had
a good innings because I'm seventy-six. I think I've done very well.
It's only the last six years I've been ill, and the last two that I've
had cancer, so I really can't complain, can I. But when you see young
people, you realise how lucky you are, having got to such an age. They
are the ones I feel so sorry for because they haven't had much of a
normal life. It must be very hard. When I was young - I couldn't imagine
being old. Life was fun even though it was war time. There were lots
of compensations for it. Then I got married, and had a family and everything
went along famously. The children grew up and left home, then my husband
died and I had to go back to work again. That threw me for quite a while,
but you get over it, like you get over everything else. Life's never
quite the same, it can't be. Then it got to the evening of my life and
I just go along as best I can.
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